Boundaries II

“Boundaries shouldn’t just be about the physical things, but with how people can and should treat us”. Or be allowed to treat me.

It’s setting up a barrier, a shield, to protect myself. I don’t like doing that, but I’ve got to not give people the luxury. That’s what it is essentially, not giving people the luxury to treat me in the ways I could never get myself to treat them.

Because no one gave me the luxury to speak my mind for an hour.

To have my opinion heard before I was ghosted.

To speak my mind before I was blocked.

So why do I do that for others? It’s not a niceness, it’s foolishness actually. I’m doing them a favour; giving them access to my wellbeing.

My friend says I shouldn’t be too open with people.

“Don’t tell them about your past experiences because they’ll use it to treat you that same way”.

I do get her point, it’s like telling the enemy the best way to attack.

But why would they be the enemy? And why would they want to attack? She’s right though, because they always do. It’s my own fault really and I have no one else to blame.

So yes, I set my boundaries to keep myself physically protected, but I now set my boundaries to protect my mind and heart.

Why didn’t I think of that before?

I don’t know.

Or maybe I had, subconsciously, but dropped it with each person. After a few kind words and an ounce of affection.

But now I do it consciously. And I have to stick to it.

Maybe it’s an insecurity thing, that’s why I keep letting myself get disrespected. I don’t think I’m insecure? I mean, I think I’m pretty cool.

What does it mean to be insecure anyway?

Oh. I was expecting the second definition. But being “liable to give way or break” ?

I understand that the first definition probably isn’t supposed to be used to describe people but it sounds awfully familiar…not being set in my ways, dropping boundaries after a few kind words and an ounce of affection…

Maybe I am insecure.

I don’t know, but I’m not manifesting it. Either way, I am now aware that I need to be taking my peace of mind and feelings more seriously. Not lowering them or dropping them to please someone. No one is worth that.

It takes some selfishness. Which I struggle with. But again, no one gave me that luxury, so why should I give others that luxury? I give people the benefit of the doubt, to be nice, but why should they benefit from my doubt? And when were they ever nice? If not to get something in return?